Of course you don’t. You haven’t seen any of your friends outside of Facebook since mid-June 2007. Even before the Zuckerman Takeover, anyone who did the things listed above would make your friends, in order: liable for manslaughter charges for reckless use of carpeting in public areas; made to sit in the corner by their parents when they get home; production assistants on Art Attack.
The ‘let’s work together’ vibe is hardly new in advertising – I, too, would like to buy the world a Coke, and unite my colours of Benetton – but at least people in ads used to work together on something useful. Now it’s all about the waggling of flags and the doodling of crayons.
The problem is that, in some frustratingly gnawing way, Orange are sort of, vaguely, kind of, in a mild way, on to something. Maybe we could call it a post-capitalist malaise. We’re not really doing anything useful at work any more but we’re chained to our desks for longer than ever. Isn’t it fun to fart about in fields, squirting each other with hosepipes and holding up colourful pinwheels to catch the breeze? Wouldn’t you like a Rocket lolly, some cut-off shorts and a kite to fly in your surprisingly ungritty urban landscape?
In short, someone needs some new ideas in mobile marketing. T-Mobile and Orange are stuck in a dusty rut, and, as far as I can recall, neither of them have ever produced a decent ad (file under: French and German Companies Can’t Do Adverts). Vodafone ads are stunningly forgettable. O2’s wonderful bubble schtick has run its course and needs pensioning off. 3’s ads might be good, but unfortunately the signal’s too bad to see what they’re about.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to pick up my order from Carpet-Right and head down the Elephant and Castle. Those public rights of way aren’t going to brighten themselves up.
