And when they get there, of course, disaster awaits, because no matter how much the world changes, some horror movie tropes will always stay the same. In Cabin Fever, though, the threat lurking in the woods isn’t a madman with a chainsaw but a flesh-eating virus, which the unsuspecting holidaymakers contract after coming into contact with an unfortunate hermit (well, okay – there are other threats, too, but that’s the main attraction).  See, the original Cabin Fever walked a delicate line between humour and horror. The characters made fun of one another, there were several gory sight gags and, in probably the film’s best moment, the apparently racist owner of the local shop turned out to have meant something completely different by his off-colour remarks. There was also a vein of deeply surreal silliness to the film – remember the pancake-obsessed karate kid? Or Eli Roth’s own cameo as a stoned camper eager to share his stash? All of those things might have seemed like throwaway jokes that could easily be stripped out to create a leaner, meaner, scarier horror movie, but this remake proves otherwise. Turns out, those jokes were integral to the structure of the film. Without them, it collapses into a dreary sludge of stock characters and gloopy gore effects. Those effects are pretty impressive, in all fairness, but they’re ruined by the desperate way the film overplays them. Subtlety is something Eli Roth’s films can rarely be accused of, but compared with this remake, the original Cabin Fever looks like a masterclass in restraint; here, every drop of blood is zoomed in on and lingered over, every faintly portentous moment accompanied with the audible equivalent of a swift elbow in the ribs, to make sure everyone knows when they’re meant to be scared. Rather than making a scarier update of a minor cult classic, all Zariwny has done is produced a tone deaf, moronic mess. On the bright side, over the last 14 years DVDs have got much cheaper and various instant streaming services have been launched, so if you do fancy watching Cabin Fever, you can just watch the original. Follow our Twitter feed for faster news and bad jokes right here. And be our Facebook chum here.