This week, we welcome back the brilliant Jane Roberts… Well, for the hay fever sufferer, pollen. A sniveling, sneezing, coughing, overheated season of misery. Windows shut, medication lined up in regimented order. Steroid drops for eye – check. Nasal decongestant – yup. Anti-histamine overload – uh, huh. Asthma inhalers prepped – you betcha. Sense of humour bypass – absolutely in place. People who don’t have hay fever tend to dismiss it as a case of the sniffles. As a sufferer for over 30 years, and with chronic asthma as a result, I can tell you it’s a whole lot more than that. It’s the misery of waking every day for 6–8 weeks with a throat raw from pollen and a head that feels like it‘s been excavated with an ice cream scoop. It’s the swollen eyes with eyelashes that fuse together during sleep and have to be painfully unpicked before use. And where do I start with the epic sneezing? I was once told I was the perfect girlfriend – for 46 weeks of the year. The other six, they wanted to send me back to restore my factory settings. Needless to say, that wasn’t a relationship for life. But he had a point. I am unbearable during the pollen season. The medication I have to take leaves me dazed and confused – but crucially allows me to keep breathing. I can’t go outdoors and windows stay shut during the warmest time of the year. In the office, I was the pesky person always turning the air con to artic. And I’m generally pretty furious with it all, becoming a mini she-hulk for weeks on end. You find everyone has a helpful suggestion on curing your condition. It’s generally the honey homily. Eat local honey and be cured – bingo! Folks, it’s not helpful. In fact, it is so not helpful I’d like to ram a jar of honey where the sun doesn’t shine – my own nasal cavities. That’ll stop the snot. Well, sunglasses. Wraparound sunglasses. It may be grey and dull or even nighttime outdoors, but I’m rocking the Matrix look for a reason – to protect my eyes from pollen. Some days I consider wearing a welding helmet but they don’t seem to make them small enough for someone minion sized. Cotton man sized handkerchiefs. People laugh at my hankies. They are bigger than my head. Then they hear me sneeze and appreciate my consideration for not destroying their clothing / facial features with mucus. There is a good reason for using cotton – paper tissue tends to have loose fibres that can aggravate an already upset nasal lining. Medication. It took a while to find a combination that works, in partnership with my doctor and I start it a couple of weeks before the season fully hits. If you are a sufferer keep at it until you hit the best combo for you – pharmacists are also pretty helpful. I do have to go for the unholy trinity of tablets, decongestant and eye drops but they’ve come a long way since my 1980s diagnosis. They aren’t perfect and I do have to accept it is not sensible for me to be in a field in June, so Glastonbury is not on the menu. Daily hair washing and showering. This is helpful, especially with long hair that traps pollen very effectively. While it is a pain, a daily wash minimises the pollen cloud caused when brushing. I also never dry clothing or bedding outdoors. Avoiding any perfumed products, including deodorant. This helps me personally as walking into a scented cloud makes my already overanxious immune system fire off more histamine in retaliation. NB this doesn’t mean forgoing hygiene – just because it’s summer I don’t wish to smell like Stig of the Dump even if I look like him. If you are a fellow sufferer you have my commiserations. Please comment if you have any recommendations of your own on dealing with allergies. Or just want to vent about seasonal misery. Just don’t mention honey. For expert advice on dealing with a much broader base of allergies visit Allergy UK.