Indeed, relationship Charity Relate reckons that its counsellors are “increasingly seeing problems with relationships and sexual functioning that are associated with the use of internet porn.” 

Are you spending longer than you intended watching pornography?Do you spend time viewing pornography when you have work or other productive activities to undertake?Have you ever viewed pornography on a device that’s not your own?Do you ever change social plans to undertake sexual activity online or view sexual material?Are you deliberately hiding your pornography viewing from someone?Have you attempted, and failed, to limit your use of pornography?Are you viewing potentially illegal or violent content?

If any of these apply to you or someone you know, then it’s definitely useful to be aware of other markers of a potential issue. Firstly, there’s ‘Escalation’; the pursuit of increasingly extreme forms of pornography, and an increased interest in more niche sexual activities. The next stage is finding yourself drawn to acting out preferences established in pornography viewing. With this come genuine physical, emotional and health risks, especially if it involves sado-masochistic, illegal and extra-relationship activity and/or interaction with workers in the sex trade. With those factor comes a risk of STIs, physical harm or becoming a victim of crime, falling foul of the law or the breakdown of a relationship. Even if none of this applies, it still pays to be wary of the effect our porn-saturated world has on us. Bottom line here: it’s better to over-discuss than end up harming another person… It’s certainly true in UK law that the capacity of the parties is now central to consent, and that known fetishes for a given activity do not imply consent. As such, consent is an ongoing discussion, and just because something has been done before, doesn’t mean it is consented to in perpetuity or with another individual. Think of it like this, maybe: when you’re travelling on a motorway, you may not sense how fast you are going until the the car in front slams on its brakes. In the same way, what seems ‘normal’ to someone who sees a lot of pornography, or has experienced a steady escalation in the material they’re viewing, may be far from normal (and even abhorrent) to someone who doesn’t – or has, but decided it wasn’t for them. The take-home, though, is that pornography is not in-and-of-itself, the problem. How pornography use affects your life, self-image and your relationships, can be. These effects can be very subtle in how they affect a partner or a wider circle of friends, and cumulative over time. It could lead to you feeling dissatisfied with your behaviour or how you look, attempts to introduce sexual practices that your partner is not comfortable with, a compulsion to act out fantasies that put you at risk, financial outlays that put you under pressure or eschewing real life experiences in order to live out fantasies online. If you’re not sharing an aspect of your sexuality (i.e. your porn preferences) with a partner, it’s harder for them to be on the same page as you, and increases the chances of a rift forming over time. If you are not in a relationship, then addiction to porn can conceivably cause low-self esteem and have a detrimental effect on or your ability to form relationships or even your career. If you’re in a relationship, and believe that porn addiction is affecting you or your partner, then this page from Relate’s website is a good place to start reading, or you can call them on 0300 100 1234 to begin the process of talking to someone either together or on your own. Alternatively, you’ll find the website of the Association for Treatment Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity website (ATSAC) here, and the NHS pages of Addiction here. One note: given the subject matter, we will inevitably be policing comments quite heavily for this piece. Hope you understand.