But that doesn’t mean I don’t spend a disproportionate amount of my time trying to feel like I belong to something. Don’t we all? To get a sense of the importance of belonging, you’ve only got to glance at geek culture. As geeks, we all loosely fit the stereotype of not really belonging in mainstream culture (even though you could argue that much of mainstream culture these days is dominated by geeks), so we cling to smaller subcultures instead. Whovians, Trekkies (cough Trekkers), Potterheads… geek culture is made up of lots of fandoms, where die-hards gather together to share their passion and feel like a part of something. We even have ritual gatherings (Comic Cons) where we can dress up in our uniforms and meet in person rather than on Tumblr. I love lots of geeky things. I’ve been to Destination Star Trek, Star Wars Celebration and plenty of Comic Cons, but have I really felt like I belonged when I was there? No more than I did at university when I joined the Rock ‘n’ Thrash Society. I was so excited at the chance to meet up with like-minded music fans as part of my new life at uni, but when I turned up I found myself in a room with people I actually had nothing really in common with. I left and never went back. Perhaps I belong to a larger group of people who don’t actually belong to anything. We float around social media joining in conversations but rarely starting any, because we don’t really belong to any circles on there either. But there’s more to belonging than feeling cool and accepted by your peers. There’s that other kind of belonging, the kind that lasts, that’s deeper than who you talk to on Twitter. And I do have a place where I belong. It’s at home with my wife and two little boys, a place where I’m always welcome and where my theories about the Twin Peaks finale mean even less than they do on the internet. My kids would rather watch The Cat In The Hat (shudder) 100 times than watch Star Wars once (for now…) but they’d rather watch it snuggled up with me than any other way. That’s belonging, and it’s about the heart rather than the head. So maybe I’ll never be cool, I’ll probably never get to 2,000 Twitter followers and I’ll always be alone in a crowd, but at the end of every day I’ll come back to where I belong with the only club I really need to be a member of. Never lose track of who you are: When we try to belong, we often end up trying to change something about ourselves to fit in. But if you don’t fit in as yourself, you’ll never belong by trying to be someone else. Find people who value you for you. Remember that social media isn’t the real world: Every social media platform out there is a distorted filter where lots of people put lots of effort into making their lives look much happier than they really are. Seeing all the group selfies on nights out when you’re home alone can make you feel that much worse, while it’s easy to feel unpopular when you’re not part of a clique or your posts are being greeted with tumbleweeds rather than likes. If social media isn’t improving your life, step away from the phone. Remember that we’re all the same really: Everyone feels lonely and vulnerable and ugly and scared, no matter how confident and popular they might look to you. We all have that need to belong to something or someone. Even Groucho Marx did. So there will be people out there who are just like you. Thanks, as always, for reading. You all stay awesome.
