This week, we’re handing over to Daniel Langrish-Beard. And he’s going to talk about sexuality, and coming out. Over to the mighty Daniel… www.Wikihow.com suggests the following coming out technique: For me personally it was one of the scariest things that I have ever done. It was a Saturday night in 1996. I had been with my boyfriend for two years. I was alone in my bedroom and just finished reading Boy George’s autobiography Take It Like A Man. As I turned the last page, it suddenly popped into my head, “I’m going to tell mum and dad tonight”. I had told my friend Anne a couple of months after I realised I was gay in 1994 (I think I always knew but it all clicked into place when I met Matthew). She was so nice, accepting and totally made me feel okay about it. So here I was in my room, just about to tell my parents the biggest thing I could ever tell anyone, and I had no idea how either of them would take it. I decided to dress up into my smartest clothes. I thought if I did get thrown out of the house then I’m going to look good. I then sat down in the lounge and waited for the right moment to tell them. I waited and waited. Mum decided to go to bed, so change of plan, I was going to tell just dad. “Dad”, I said nervously, “there is something I need to tell you, what do you think it is?” You’re in debt? You’ve got someone pregnant? These were all suggestions before the question I’d been hoping for… “Are you gay?”. After a very strained conversation about ‘picking a difficult road to travel’ and that the music of Kylie Minogue has confused me, I asked him to tell my mother and then he changed the subject. My mother took it badly. She cried for a couple of days and told me she never wanted to see my boyfriend again. Eight years later (she can be very stubborn my mother), she finally came around and invited him for dinner. So I think I had quite an easy coming out. Things could have been a lot different. It’s not the same for everybody of course. Phillip came out to his mother first A good friend Stephen decided to do it over the Christmas dinner… “18 was an important year for me back in 1998; my cousin was gay and I thought ‘I’m no longer wanting to hide who I was and my feelings’. After a family Christmas and New Year, I was at home with family, and after a conversation over the New Year’s Day traditional roast, my father was complaining I was running up the land line bill. I didn’t have my own mobile, so was chatting to the BF, gay friends etc. – which was important as I had left the college people behind me. After a long discussion of ‘Why do you need to be on the phone all the time?’, I got frustrated. My Nan was with us and I thought, ‘she knows her Nephew is gay’ so the time felt right at that moment. I told Dad and co in tears. The feeling of course was scary, though knowing my family I thought that I would be OK, and thankfully I was. In the words of Kylie Minogue, ‘I wouldn’t change a thing’.” “I came out to myself at 17, and to my friends and family at 18. Coming out to my father was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I regret how I did it. He was quite cruel to me and I felt rejected when he said we would never speak of it again. However, once I had a long term partner in my 20s, he eventually came to terms with it and we built a new relationship.” In the UK, gay men and women can get married and LGBT+ people have as much rights as heterosexuals. However, some people still find it tough to deal with their own sexuality. A survey in FS magazine recently found that 24% of gay men admitted to trying to kill themselves, while 54% admitted to having suicidal thoughts. A further 70% said low self-esteem was the main reason for their depression and suicidal thoughts. There are many more organisations, people who have been through it all themselves. I have listed a few phone lines and organisations of people who you can talk to. Please, please, please remember: you are not alone.
