This week isn’t the easiest of subjects: we’re talking about how to talk to, interact with and respect people who are suffering from serious illness. This piece is written by Caroline Hardy, who was diagnosed with mouth cancer in the early 2000s. As Caroline says, “please do not take offence – it is meant as constructive advice”. And whilst obviously different people deal with things in different ways, here are the tips that Caroline has passed on. • Ask how we are, but don`t expect a glib answer back, like “fine thank you”. The best you should expect is “thanks for asking, I am having a good day” or “thanks, but it is not great today”. But do ask, it means a lot. • It is surprising how many folk just launch right into their own health problems and then say something crass like “but of course it is nothing compared to your troubles”- as if you need reminding. It is good to hear people talk about their aching joints from running etc,…but it should be reciprocal. • “You must stay optimistic” is a kind of blame culture. I know people mean well by it, meaning if your morale is good ,your illness is often easier to tackle. But the patient hears “so it is my fault if I die from this cancer, because I let it get me down and brought it on myself”. You try being positive all the time, when you are feeling wretched, and death is on your mind a lot of the time and you can’t chase the thoughts away as they seem so close. • Another bug bear is people seem to think they can ask you personal questions they would not dream of asking others. Like “do I believe in God?” If I do, I ain’t right impressed with him now, and if I don’t, then I am not suddenly going to start in the hope that he will cure me because I am a believer or that it will give me solace. Nothing will give me solace from losing my children and husband. Have a good day. Caroline Hardy died from her mouth cancer on May 16th 2010. Her family – her son, daughter and husband – decided to keep her outstanding blog live, where you can read her thoughts in full. The above article is an extract from her blog, a blog that continues to help people years after she wrote it. Den Of Geek has donated the fee for this article to the Mouth Cancer Foundation, that you can find here: http://www.mouthcancerfoundation.org Stay safe, everybody, and warm hugs to you all. And Jerina, if you’re reading: you’re ace.