And it’s not just Kelly Brook, who’s seen here repeatedly hammering nails into her career, but the entire catalogue of Britain’s z-listers are present and correct, some coming off largely unscathed and others possibly sabotaging the little respect they still clung to. The cast ranges from Gary Barlow and Paddy McGuiness, to Peter Andre and Jedward. It’s like watching a ritual sacrifice, with celebrities selling their souls for a spot, any spot, on the big screen. The plot, too, is as simplistic as you’d expect, with Keith starting off as a small-time businessman in Leeds, trying to flog various useless inventions to the public. Maybe it’s the fact that escaping a cinema screening is more difficult than changing the channel, or the realisation that the people surrounding you are seeing it out of choice, but every unpleasant aspect of Keith Lemon’s character is amplified to the point where it not only loses its sense of humour, but the brief affection and good-will generated by BAFTA winning panel show, Celebrity Juice. Tellingly, regular panellists Fearne Cotton and Holly Willoughby don’t make more than a cameo in the film and we’re instead treated to far too much Kelly Brook, Verne Troyer and David Hasselhoff for anyone’s taste. The film’s director, Paul Angunawela, has only ever worked with Francis, and it shows. Keith Lemon: The Film is so overindulgent as to become indecipherable even to hardened fans of the comedian. There’s plenty of Bo Selecta! gags and cameos (if you can call them that) which serve no particular purpose, but might actually alienate Francis’ younger fanbase. So particular is the humour and choice of celebrities that it’s hard to actually fathom who the film has been made for. Far too rude for children, but unfit for anyone else, it just happens, with no direction or reason to be. But, just when we were felling all patriotic, still basking in the glory of last year’s E4 sitcom success The Inbetweeners and its triumphant journey to the big screen (released in the US this summer), this comes along to prove what a fluke it may prove to be. It’s a small consolation that Keith Lemon: The Film will likely never be seen outside of the UK, since anyone who hasn’t been brought up on a diet of The X Factor and Katie And Peter won’t recognise a single personality. But then, if a comedy has forgotten to include jokes that don’t induce nausea and a general sense of wretchedness, it has failed on the most basic level. Follow our Twitter feed for faster news and bad jokes right here. And be our Facebook chum here
