1.14 Angel One Oh good, it’s Angel One. Wait, did I say good? I’m fairly sure that’s not what I meant at all. On the way to the Neutral zone where the Romulans are causing trouble, the Enterprise drops in on Angel One to search for the possible survivors of a freighter disaster some years earlier. The planet is a strange one where (if you accept the episode’s highly dubious premise) social gender roles are flipped, so that the females are more dominant and physically imposing, and males are slight and weak-willed. You know, like the opposite of what is on Earth! (This might be a new record: a Star Trek episode whose ingrained prejudices undermine its point at the premise level, before a word has been written). Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Wesley and his friends have caught a cold after going on a skiing trip on the holodeck. I’m not even kidding. Back on the surface, Beata admits that yes, there were survivors, and that they and their leader – an eighties action-hero of a man named Ramsay, who sports a mane of golden mullet hair – are considered dangerous fugitives. In the interest of promoting good relations, Riker dons some of Angel One’s traditional male clothing as an act of “diplomacy”, which leads to a lot of audience gagging over the sheer amount of chest hair on display. Troi and Yar find it hilarious, justifiably. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Picard has caught Wesley’s cold and been ordered to bed. I’m not even kidding. The crew manages to locate the survivors, and it turns out that Ramsay and his crewmen have started the local version of the suffragette movement, campaigning for male equality, and even taking indigenous wives from their growing supporters. They don’t want to leave, and the crew can’t make them. While this is going on, Riker and Beata are doing some wholly diplomatic making out, and Beata seems pleased to have a man around who isn’t grimly subjugated and soggy-willed, begging the question of why she’s so against male equality in the first place. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise Geordi is in charge, but a third of the crew have colds and if the Romulans attack they’ll all be too snotty to fight back. I’m not even kidding. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, everyone has a cold and the ship has been quarantined. I’m not even kidding. Data is allowed to return while Riker and the others hang around hoping to avert the execution. While they do, thanks to a moralising speech and claims that killing Ramsay will result in nothing but his martyrdom. Ramsay and his sympathisers are exiled to a remote part of the world where they can build their equal civilisation in peace. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Crusher develops a cure for the cold, the away team is allowed to return, and the episode ends with Picard unable to give his orders to leave due to a sore throat. I’m not even kidding. TNG WTF: Let us leave aside the sheer WTF-ness of an episode that thinks it’s holding a mirror up to our own society’s sexism by showing an entire matriarchy going weak at the knees for Riker in an open shirt, and instead concentrate on the real stupidity of the episode: Did Wesley really catch a cold by going skiing on the holodeck? Does the writer of this episode not know that COLDS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY?! TNG LOL: Beata addresses Ramsay as she demonstrates the execution vaporiser: “As you can see we are not without compassion. Your deaths will be swift and painless.” I’m sure he’s very comforted. Time Until Meeting: A meeting-free episode. The mark of a writer who doesn’t know how TNG works. Captain’s Log: Wow. When season one of TNG is bad, it’s almost unapologetically awful. It’s not quite Code of Honor levels of offensive, but it is notable for containing almost every terrible cliché about seen in TNG‘s first season in one episode. A virus on the ship, a “primitive” society based on laboured allegory, Prime directive hand-wringing and, let us not forget, a death sentence ticking clock. All it needed was Wesley to save the day and it would’ve been a full house. We’ve seen all of this before, and it was barely interesting the first time around. The second time, it’s just tedious. A horrible episode on so many levels. Watch or Skip? Definite skip. Read James’ look-back at the previous episode, Datalore, here. Follow our Twitter feed for faster news and bad jokes right here. And be our Facebook chum here.
