HOWEVER, in the blog Al posted on his Myspace page Monday evening revealing the title of his fresh 2008 joint, the accordion-slinging singer first cracked the following shocking joke: “The name of the [new] parody, of course, is ‘I Kissed A Squirrel.’ Just kidding.” I know it sounds crazy, but come on – is there anyone else on the whole entire planet witty and clever enough to whip up something like “I Kissed A Squirrel?” I seriously doubt it. Maybe Shakespeare, but that guy’s been dead for like a hundred years. He died in the second World War, right? Hitler shot him, if I remember my history correctly. I knew we should have never let that asshole into Disneyland. Al, I must say I’m flattered. Please, feel free to pepper your Myspace blog with as many of my jokes as you like. Be aware, though, I do charge a dollar a quip. Checks may be made out and sent to James Greene, Jr., c/o Rappoccio’s Watch Repair & Sneaker Outlet, P.O. Box 154, Grand Central Station, New York, NY, 10017. You should also be aware that any late payments will result in me turning your curly-haired, Hawaiian-shirted ass over to a collection agency. Hopefully “Whatever You Like” will be out and proud like Clay Aiken by the time this column goes up. The world has already waited too long for a delicious send-up of T.I., the original Rubber Band Man and ATL star (I’ve seen that movie about fifteen times, by the way, thanks to insane former roommates). Man, “Weird Al” Yankovic reads my column. I can’t get over that. I wonder if any other famous novelty musicians from California are fans of my work. Rick Dees, let me know if you’re a JG2 junkie! UNRELATED NOTE #1: I was perusing old Crawling Ears last night when I came across a comment on my Edge of Etiquette column I initially missed. Coco, please send your full copy of “I Hate You” to jgreenejr@gmail.com. Thank you one thousand percent. UNRELATED NOTE #3: Happy Croatian Independence Day to all the sexy Croats out there.
