Immediately I have to call Fat Wreck Chords out on false advertising. Few of the songs on Short Music clock in at exactly half a minute. There’s an error margin of about plus or minus three seconds. The notable exceptions (because there are always notable exceptions) include Fizzy Bangers, who turn in a measly eight second blast; the Mr. T Experience, who felt eleven seconds was long enough; the Offspring, who pushed their limit to thirty-six; and Bad Religion, whose track clocks in at an unprecedented forty seconds. In light of all this, the blurb on the cover should read 101 Bands Playing Songs That Are In The Neighborhood of Thirty Seconds Long (Except For Fizzy Bangers, Mr. T Experience, Offspring, & Bad Religion, None of Whom Seem to Think Our Rules Apply to Them).
So what’s truly outstanding on this bastard? Well, if you’re asking my personal opinion, the highlights definitely include HI-STANDARD’s cute oriental-themed jig Asian Pride; Big Wig’s liberal-bashing anthem Freegan; the Damned’s atmospheric prog snippet It’s A Real Time Thing; Sick of It All’s hardcore groove Blatty (Human Egg) ; The Living End’s rockabilly splash Ready; the Ataris’ dated but fun The Radio Still Sucks (they really sock it to Oasis!); and the handful of already established hardcore punk classics littered throughout the disc – Deny Everything by the Circle Jerks, I Like Food by the Descendents, Spray Paint by Black Flag, etc.
I’ll give honourary props to a few mediocre Short Music tunes with hilarious titles – Farts Are Jazz To Assholes by Dillinger 4, Rage Against The Machine Are Capitalist Assholes by White Flag, and Mr. Brett, Please Put Down Your Gun by H20. That last one is a swipe at Bad Religion guitarist/buckshot enthusiast Brett Gurewitz; H20 apparently heard about BR’s extra ten seconds in advance and decided to go on the attack. Funny stuff.
The Crawling Ear Column can be found every Wednesday at Den of Geek. Last week’s is here…
