What’s that buzzing? No, it’s not Brundlefly waking up. No, it’s not those bees that bothered Nic Cage and his bear suit in The Wicker Man remake. It is, of course, Oscar buzz and it’s buzzing out of every media outlet imaginable with a vengeance! Buzz buzz buzz! Fashion, darling! This whole elaborate affair of industry circle jerking, gong giving and Hollywood high society is just an excuse to host a massive fancy dress party. The key concern is the clothing and the shoes. It’s a red carpet catwalk event and the award ceremony and after parties are like accessories to add a little colour and extra entertainment. “So, what are the stars going to be wearing?” I hear the buzz, erm, buzz. Luckily enough, I can offer some exclusive behind-the-scenes insight into the upcoming fashion extravaganza. Thanks to received insider information and a strange, yet auspicious accident, I can tell you about a few of the guests’ sartorial plans. After a psychedelic flash, I found myself waking up in a secret underground warehouse gazing dazedly into the enormous bespectacled eyes of Edna Mode. The eccentric costume designer from The Incredibles quickly and abruptly explained that, in getting whacked by a copy of Italian Vogue, my third eye chakra had been nudged and subsequently I’d slipped into an out-of-body experience and gone astral travelling. Colin Firth Riding waves of adulation after his regal turn as George VI (a.k.a. B-B-Bertie), Firth has been keeping things quite dapper and formal in the public eye. This tuxedo and oh-so-terribly-British restraint will be tossed to the corgis come Oscar night, though. To cause a stir he’s going to completely abandon all inhibitions and opt for a regal ensemble inspired by The Emperor’s New Clothes: shiny crown and birthday suit. Of course, full frontal nudity isn’t acceptable on mainstream TV and doesn’t constitute much of a costume design challenge, so Mode has made a marvellous hairpiece to cover Colin’s modesty. The excess phlegm produced by the actor while stuttering his way through The King’s Speech has been used to gel this astounding golden codpiece together and ensure it retains shape, position and consistency. The overall effect is majestic, like an aurous Ewok attached to Firth’s groin. Melissa Leo Conventionally, gentlemen wear sharp dinner suits and ladies wear elegant gowns and dresses at these ritzy events, but the Best Supporting Actress nominee who impressed in The Fighter is keeping it real. Her character Alice Ward, mother to boxing brothers, Dicky Eklund and “Irish” Micky Ward, is probably best described as ‘power tripping rough housin’ white trash bitch from hell’ (Downtown Lowell, Massachusetts) and her clothing choice aims to stay true to the character and film that’s brought her fresh acclaim. The Coen Brothers Dripping in Western style, True Grit is fancy dress fabulous. Jeff Bridges has an eyepatch! Barry Pepper has bad teeth! Dandy Matt Damon has jingle-jangle bootspurs! However, the most outstanding costume in the film comes when the bearded Bear Man makes his surreal cameo appearance with a dead body in tow (cost: two dental mirrors and a bottle of expectorant, apparently). James Franco The host of this year’s Academy Awards is also thinking bear, specifically, Bear Grylls. Having played intrepid canyon climber, Aron Ralston, in 127 Hours, the Best Actor nominee will be adopting an outdoors adventurer look and dressing like a boy scout. Mode calls this ‘Cub couture’. Natalie Portman This year’s star with the most surrounding buzz is Best Actress nominee Portman following her performance as prima ballerina Nina Sayers in Darren Aronofsky’s dark horror Black Swan.Trashing tutu vogue, Edna has drawn upon the psychological themes of the film and designed a gown of shattered mirror shards to symbolise broken aspirations and fragile, fragmented identity. James’ previous column can be found here. Follow Den Of Geek on Twitter right here.
