As far as things go, High School Musical is basically Grease garishly repackaged for the 21st century and stripped of any trace of grit. A perky bunch of personality-free, pretty teens flounce about playing jocks and totally-non-nerdy-nerds, warbling out wearying tweeny-bop songs such as “Breaking Free”, audibly informing viewers that they can “Start Something New” and “Bop to the Top” with toothy grins. “We’re All in this Together” eh? High School Musical happily applies itself as empowering, uplifting material whilst subconsciously re-enforcing all-American values and all that is mainstream and mundane. It’s sickening. But since when did reality matter? We’re living in marshmallow-light la-la-land here! The super-sugary series presents adolescence without the existential angst, sexual awakening, body horror and experimentation with intoxicants. No sex, drugs or rebellion of any kind at all – a pecking little kiss is the furthest that the leading lovers (played by two cardboard cut-outs called Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens) go when it comes to embracing and showing romantic affection. So we know that High School Musical 3 is designed specifically to sell karaoke DVDs, stationery and lunchboxes to little children and torment everyone with an IQ higher than 32. What I find really perplexing though is not that people can produce such braindead bilge or that Disney would come up with such a crass cash-cow, but that people actually buy into – and love – something as mundane and devoid of character and creativity. Is this really what captures the imagination of kids these days? Are the tiny masters of tomorrow wholly happy with soporific singy-songy splurge set in the day-to-day dull world of school? It’s going to take more than an injection of insipid pop tracks and daft dance numbers into academia to lift High School Musical above boring cliché. We’ve already established that supply of school-centric films outstrips demand – the last thing we need is a musical about one. If only the bigshots at Disney had been a bit more inspired and outlandishly inventive at the board meeting when they decided to construct a new sinister scheme with which they could claim world domination. A musical about high school? Forget about it: musicals are much more fun when they’re about forbidden love (Moulin Rouge, West Side Story), murder (Chicago, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street) or Nazis (The Sound of Music, The Producers). How about making a family-friendly mix of all three combined? Does that sound fun kids? If children really require their entertainment to be easily accessible and directly relevant to their young lives, then for diversity it wouldn’t have been difficult for Disney to devote their musical masterplan to another segment of the education system. University Musical would most likely not be tolerated by panicky parents what with all the ugly hangovers, month-old washing piles and drunken midnight debates about Nietzsche that it would inevitably contain (cast of course to a soundtrack of shoegazing showstoppers). It’s at the other end of the educational spectrum that we find a satisfactory source for all-singing, all-dancing melodious entertainment… James’ previous column can be found here.
