There is, allegedly, a motion picture based on the war-strategy board game Battleship in development (I’m visualising The Battleship Potemkin in plastic) and, though not strictly a board game, Michael Bay’s intentions to craft a Ouija board film have also been made public (though this may end up being a hack-job remake of The Exorcist with hyperactive editing and lots of big explosions). Out of ideas, the high-rollers of Hollywood have gone, not so much back to the drawing board, but rather back to the board games. The most striking and strange of these prospective projects has Ridley Scott attached to direct and has been green-lit by Universal Studios. Ladies, gentleman and children ages eight and over, brace yourselves for the Monopoly Movie… At first, the idea of pulling together a blockbuster movie from a board game is bemusing and barmy. This is uninspired regression, rampant commercialism and a sad case of movie moguls raiding the aisles of Toys “R” Us in order to attract audiences. However, once we get beyond the instant, negative knee-jerk, it’s possible to perceive that a board game movie may not be so bad after all. A case in point: the classic adventure flick that is Jumanji. The 1995 film that cast Robin Williams into supernatural jungle fantasy that subsequently explodes into American suburbia shows that films based around a board game need not be an abomination. What’s more, when you consider the objectives and well-known nature of Monopoly, it’s got a reasonably credible basis for a creative feature length spin-off. If you look at the Monopoly narrative, it has everything you need for a classic motion picture. There’s intense cut-throat rivalry, triumph over adversity trajectories, explorations of the individualist capitalist dream and the potential for a prison break subplot in the “do not pass go, go straight to jail” card. If playing the original, proper version of the game then we can look forward to a spectacular cinematic tour of the sights of London and the appearance of a Scottie dog (in fact, how would the game pieces be represented on screen? And is it better to be the boot or the top hat?). With a racing plot playing out across the capital’s high-end areas and tourist hotspots, the fact that a Monopoly board has four train stations is the icing on the cake; railway stations are the ultimate place for classic cinema drama if you look to Brief Encounter, Carlito’s Way and The Untouchables as a few choice examples. A film spun-off from the successful game would captivate in this era of financial crises and credit crunches and no doubt draw from the notion that London is now a haven of international oligarchs hellbent on getting their hands on whatever is buyable. I have faith in Ridley Scott and if things go as they usually do for the director, the studio will hack it to pieces before pushing it out into cinemas, necessitating an epic Director’s Cut release containing Scott’s original unexpurgated ambition. If we are totally suspending cynicism at what may simultaneously be seen as the most pathetic movie pitch in recent memory and imaginatively envisioning how awesome Monopoly: The Movie could be, I nominate Daniel Day-Lewis for the role of the Monopoly Man. Look at the twinkle in his eyes, that sure smile and the way he pulled off that 19th century moustache in Gangs of New York. Bring back the facial adornment and he’s a dead ringer for the dandy gent of the game logo. There’s also opportunity for Day-Lewis to do his usual extreme method-actor role preparation by spending sixteen months shut in a game box. He emerges to another Oscar, Hasbro sell a stackload of board games and families around the globe will be able to get the Monopoly experience without the inevitable outbreak of accusations that the banker is cheating and slipping themselves extra notes. Here’s hoping that theatres get into the spirit of things and offer free parking… James’ previous column can be found here.
