Don’t you hate it when visitors turn up unannounced and expect you to feed their entourage of holy men? Especially when there are still twelve-odd centuries to wait before the invention of the twenty-four hour Asda. Uhtred and Gisela—three years into marriage and going strong—coped admirably with this week’s surprise visitors to their home. First came Aethelwold (isn’t Harry McEntire great in that role?), unusually sober for once but telling a decidedly drunk-sounding story about a dead Dane called Bjorn who’d risen from his grave to prophesy that he and Uhtred were destined to be kings. This being the ninth century, instead of being put to bed while Gisela phoned his GP, Aethelwold was tolerated and the seed of this episode’s intrigue was sown. Specifically, it was sown by Erik and Sigefrid, whose banishment from England’s shores last week had run its course. The brothers were back with a fleet and a plan. Danes being a pretty predictable bunch, it was largely the same plan as before—let the streets run red with Saxon blood, plunder, pillage and so on—but with a cunning additional element: dead Bjorn, the ghost messenger who would draw Uhtred into their revolt against Alfred. Uhtred and Gisela’s marriage feels pleasingly modern. She’s a proto-feminist who speaks her mind (calling the King’s daughter a whore in a wedding gown is hardcore. People get upset now if you criticise the length of Kate Middleton’s sleeves), she isn’t afraid to ask the King questions and generally has her head screwed on when it comes to Uhtred and Alfred’s ongoing rancour. If it’s peace Gisela’s after though, she married the wrong man (after she, you know, literally married the wrong man in that forced ceremony to Uhtred’s evil uncle. What’s he been up to these past three years, I wonder?) Peace and warriors don’t mix was the message of the episode. Try as Uhtred might to live among the roaming goats of Cookham and spend his days washing topless in barrels, destiny has other plans for him. The same goes for Thyra and Father Beocca’s story. Ian Hart is terrific as Beocca, and the prospect of watching him and Julia Bache-Wigg’s developing courtship is such an inviting one. His struggle, her recovery… these actors could do wonders with all that, but one short scene and it’s over. What a scene though, Beocca’s proposal—so romantic and unromantic at the same time—couldn’t have felt more wonderfully Mr Darcy. A wedding was the talk of Winchester. Aethelflaed is about to pledge her troth to a preening turd “shat from the arse of a giant” who I wouldn’t trust as far as I could throw him. Let’s hope she was paying close attention in Steapa’s combat lessons. Uhtred’s the one who really needs to watch out though. Underneath their plan to take London, the brothers are clearly seeking revenge for the hand-ectomy he performed on Sigefrid last they met. “You will always have my respect”? Never trust a compliment from men in matching fur shoulder shrugs. And never accept an invitation if there’s any risk of your host uttering the words “Fetch the blood. It is time.” Read Louisa’s review of the previous episode here.
