Have you seen Single White Female? Then you’ve seen a better version of The Roommate. Have you seen Fatal Attraction? Then you’ve seen a better version of The Roommate. This movie is basically a mash-up of those two films, except without the terror, suspense, horror, gore, violence, intrigue, or sexiness of those two films. As it turns out, Rebecca is just a little bit, ahem, different. One by one, Sara’s friends stop coming around, her ex-boyfriend from Des Moines stops calling, and she finds herself spending more and more time with Rebecca, who is becoming less and less a roommate and more like a possessive girlfriend, except without the make-out sessions. No, that’d be entirely too entertaining or controversial for this movie. Aside from one set of kisses and some drinking from our 30-something cast, The Roommate takes great pains to avoid being particularly memorable, shocking, or disturbing. It doesn’t even muster up some unintentional comedy as it slogs through its plot, piece by piece, while director Christian E. Christiansen (his real name, and not some Alan Smithee credit) manages to rip off Black Swan‘s shaky camera work without evoking that film’s visceral impact. Probably because he shoots the thing exactly like a television show, including mammoth full-face close-ups of characters in conversation, rather than actually shooting The Roommate like a legitimate movie. From the moment characters appear on screen, you know exactly what’s going to happen to them, how it’s going to happen, and who is going to do it to them. There are no surprises in this movie whatsoever. This is basically TV Tropes: The Movie. There’s a reason screenwriter Sonny Mallhi has absolutely no screen writing credits to his name. (That reason? He sucks.) It’s a predictable, poorly written, follow-the-numbers flick, with absolutely no redeeming value. It’s not even entertaining in a bad way. It’s just kind of there. It’s the unflavored oatmeal of movies. While every other character is straight out of the slasher template and displays the same sleazy behavior that your standard one-dimensional stereotype in this kind of film indulges in, they don’t actually die for their transgressions. Also, every actor in this movie, aside from Aly Michalka, is either over 30 (Minka Kelly), pushing 30 (Cam Gigandet), or is well out of college age (Leighton Meester). I’m usually kind to actors put in this situation, and I usually try to suspend my disbelief. But poor Cam Gigandet looks like he’s making this movie because he’s got alimony payments to multiple ex-wives. The less said about poor Billy Zane and his 15 minutes of screen time, the better. At least he’s appeared in a movie that makes Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight look like Cape Fear. So, he’s got that going for him. The Roommate represents the very worst of the abysmal genre that is the PG-13 horror film. Somehow, it manages to be even less effective than your average teen horror, which is saying something. It’s not saying something good, mind you, but it is a feat in and of itself. US Correspondent Ron Hogan hasn’t seen a remake this poor since Bewitched starring Will Ferrell. Find more by Ron daily at Shaktronics and PopFi. Follow Den Of Geek on Twitter right here.