This The Simpsons review contains spoilers. Poor Millhouse’s dad. He’s a loser. A soul-sucking fruit munch personality void from a long line of lesser men. He put out an album once, which would have been cool if it didn’t ask listeners to lend him a feeling. His son, Millhouse, is also a loser who looks just like the Dud in the Mystery Date game. Homer even scolded him to stick up for himself, as a loser. Because Millhouse’s mom looks just like his dad, who is also her cousin, we don’t even know if Kirk Van Houten has any genetic matter to pass on. The only time Millhouse showed any hint of balls was when he was being taken care of by his foster parent after he thought his parents were lost at sea. As Homer said of his own two kids when they skated their way to a championship tie: they’re both losers. But just because a word is overused doesn’t mean the two underachieving underdogs can’t come up with a winning idea. Lacrosse, it’s marginally safer than football and much, much less fun. Combining the two least popular sports in America, soccer and hockey, it is the perfect game for the kids in the town that once proudly held the title of fattest in the country. It’s not quite a winning town, not even with the Neutrinos butting heads. And since when isn’t Homer a strip club kinda guy? In the first season we got a tour of Springfield’s least covered entertainers when Bart gets a spy camera photo of his old man shimmying with Princess Kashmir at Eugene Fisk’s bachelor party. Oh sure, the tour was for Bart’s own good, to teach him not to objectify women, but Homer was always the life of the party. He coulda love a million girls. Though, you’d never catch him at the bordello, Homer also put the spring back in Springfield’s burlesque house in an episode with a much better central song than the cringe-and-wince inspiring tune that upends the wrongful friendship. I almost liked the “lacrosse, la what? What cross? What what?” bit, but it came off as tired, overused schtick. This shouldn’t be. This is The Simpsons and they’re supposed to keep certain things fresh, regardless of the episode and that include the verbal abuse they throw on their nouns and adjectives. They have short-cut wordplay down to a science and yet, they are messing with the formula.They didn’t even put in a nod to There Will Be Blood. The episode gives an early nod to the real problem of concussions in sports and how they can mess with concession sales in the stands. They fog over it quickly by stuffing too many heads in the MRI, but can still seriously consider Pilipino tooth fighting, which is, admittedly good for the teeth and gums. Bart and Lisa are basically wallpaper in this episode, there to leverage their father out of bed. They have lines but they are just fodder for the Homer/Kirk bromance when this episode really would have benefited from a strong secondary plot. Maybe I’m being too hard on Millhouse’s dad. He has as much right to bore us as any of Springfield’s parents. The Simpsons‘ “There Will Be Buds” scores a couple points, but, really. It’s lacrosse. “There Will Be Buds” was written by Matt Selman and directed by Denise Sirkot. The Simpsons stars Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson, Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson, Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson, Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson. Hank Azaria plays Chief Wiggum and Moe. Harry Shearer is Kirk Van Houten, Kent Brockman, C. Montgomery Burns and Waylon Smithers. The special guest was Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony. Chalkboard: Nothing to see here and no couch gag. Airport Bypass Road. Storage Facility Blvd. Wet N Girls. Crystal Spice. Champagne Explosion. Nude Elegance. Gyrationz Where Friction Comes Alive. Peelers Nude Girls. Intimate Frustrations. Not Hookers. Pole Cats. Saddy’s Credit Card Statement Will Say “Church Dues.” Taragon Ocelot. Warning: Guy in bathroom does not work for us. Juicy Wang. Clubbb Sinnn. Utica’s Finest Champagne. Championship Pizza – no semi-finalists.
