Part of me wishes it had been Seth McFarlane for his opening monologue during tonight’s Academy Awards. It’s just bad when a host is upstaged by William Shatner and sock puppets. This week on TWD, Herschel decided he’s tired of fucking around with Rick and his koo-koo nuts. Hell, even Carl is tired of it and Carl had to cap his own mom in the head. You don’t see Carl running off to spend quality time with ghost Lori in the swamp, do you? No. Because Carl is the man. Which is kind of funny; while Carl is showing more maturity than Rick over at the prison, the Governor is telling his pet nerd to recruit kids as young as 13 to his new Woodbury army. When the nerd objects to their enlisting mere boys, the Governor replies, “Adolescence is a 20th century invention.” He’s not kidding. Back in ye olden days it was no big deal to send your 5 year old to work. Why do you think God gave children such nimble little fingers? So they could doff bobbins at the textile mills! We can buy Carl being a gun toting bad ass because the survivors at the prison look like desperate, crazy, reprobates. But Woodbury seems so bucolic and civilized that we may have a hard time suspending our disbelief. Well, it’s not so crazy, although in the case of Woodbury it seems like overkill. This episode was less about two groups of deeply dysfunctional people prepping for battle than it was about Andrea finally getting a wake up call. She decided that Mister Goopy Eye Socket isn’t the boss of her anymore and decided to escape Woodbury so she could go try to mediate with Rick. In order to get out of Woodbury she needed the help of the Governor’s pet nerd. Naturally nerd guy turns around and tattles on her to the Governor. Who saw that coming? I knew it was going to happen, you knew it, the Governor knew it, but guess who had her head too far up her ass to get it? Yeah. Heck, even the Governor told Andrea to “wake up” and stop being so goddamn gullible. Quite frankly I don’t know why he puts up with her shenanigans. The sexy time can’t be that good. And I have no idea how that missing eye isn’t getting infected. Just to complicate matters, Tyreese and his crew sprang out of the bushes where, presumably, they’d been hiding since Rick kicked them out of the prison and ended up going back to town with the nerd. Andrea, who never lacked for balls, took her walker for a stroll right up the middle of the infested field around the prison, but not for the happy reunion she expected. Just like Herschel was done tippy toeing around Rick’s crazy face, Michonne is done fucking around with Andrea’s naiveté. It’s intervention time. She gave Andrea the cold, hard, truth about the Governor. Short story: he’s a dick. After Michonne, Carol gave Andrea another well deserved slap in the face by cluing her in to the whole Shane/Lori love fest. Basically, Andrea just has awful taste in men. Plus she’s incredibly gullible. We all have our flaws, right? But if your record for sleeping with the resident power hungry dickhead is 2 for 2 you might want to look at your life, look at your choices. I bet deep down inside she finds Merle incredibly appealing. Blergh. The show wrapped up with sexy time between Andrea and the Governor (oi vey, she is never going to beat him at his own game) and a pretty a capella song by the blonde chick who I’m pretty sure is Herschel’s other daughter, although she could just be a glorified extra. She only has one line per episode. You ever see that movie Office Space? You know how they fire Milton, but no one actually tells him? Yeah, I have a feeling that blonde girl was supposed to die off in Season 2 but no one got around to telling her. She’s just meekly picking food from the craft services table, asking people if they know why she isn’t getting a paycheck. All told it was a nice 1 hour break from Seth McFarlane and I would really like to beat Andrea to death with a stick now.
