Avengers: Infinity War is a movie about the good guys losing… like, a lot. Even Thanos, who actually does get what he wants, has some low points (notably, when he has to kill his own daughter—what a bummer!).
13. Black Widow
We don’t get to check in that much with Natasha, but she spends most of the movie hanging with her besties, finds out her former beau is not dead, and gets to visit Wakanda. Basically, Infinity War isn’t so bad for her. Plus, she gets to step in and save Wanda in one of the most badass moments of the entire film, getting her very own “I am no man” moment. “He will die alone, and you will die alone.” “She’s not alone.”
11. Doctor Strange
Doctor Strange is a bit of a narcissist, so I’m thinking that getting to show off all of his cool, magic skills to Tony Stark feels pretty darn good. Dude gets to travel across the universe, see new planets, and make some new friends. (And, let’s be real, this guy could definitely use some more friends.) On the other hand, Strange does get tortured in this movie with tons of little shards of glass. He also has to give up the Time Stone, his most favorite piece of jewelry, to Thanos. In terms of emotional pain, though, Strange makes it out of the movie mostly unscathed. And, by “makes it out of the movie,” I mean turns to ash with 50% of the universe, so… Even better? Someone finally gets this man another vibranium shield. (Thanks, T’Challa!) What’s not to love? Oh yeah, the world is maybe ending and Steve then has to watch Bucky die… again. No one suffers like Steve and watching the man fall to his knees, paw the dirt where Bucky once stood, and utter “Oh God” pretty much encapsulates what watching the ending of this movie feels like in your heart and the rest of your body.
9. Bruce/The Hulk
Bruce is pretty much always suffering, so it’s hard to figure out where to include him on this ranking because he suffers so casually. The man is still trying to process the information that he spent two years as The Hulk when he is asked to not only warn Earth about the incoming invasion, but also play counselor to his estranged friends. Not exactly the homecoming party this science bro deserves. Hulk is having a terrible time in this movie, too. After getting his ass kicked by Thanos in the movie’s opening minutes, he doesn’t even want to come out to smash anything. And who can blame him?
8. Black Panther
T’Challa seems to be stay optimistic during the events of Infinity War, but it’s worth noting that the dude has to put at risk the country he just inherited rule over and just promised would be OK after entering the international arena to fight off Thanos’ terrifying army of space dogs. And he does it all without complaint. I would be passively agressively dropping Olympics-and-Starbucks quips, just like Okoye. I can’t be the only one who was cringing as Wakanda’s countryside was being burned and ripped apart, can I? I can only imagine how T’Challa felt about it all. Then, in his country’s hour of need… he gets turned into ash. Since Iron Man, Tony has been a person who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders. With the ending of Infinity War and Thanos’ victory, he has failed in the task he has prioritized above all others. Plus, Pepper is super pissed at him.
6. Peter Quill
I’m pretty mad at Peter for ruining the Avengers’ best chance at getting that gauntlet off of Thanos, but I can still recognize that this dude has a rough go of it in Infinity War. First, he’s forced to stand around while all of his friends compare his body to Thor’s, then he has to try to kill his girlfriend at her request, then he has to find out his girlfriend has actually died. No one’s having fun in this movie, but Peter, a particularly fragile soul to begin with, doesn’t even get ample time to listen to his Walkman, which we all know is his chief form of self-care and therefore is vital to his mental health.
5. Vision
It’s never fun to know that your very existence may be standing in the way of keeping 50% of the universe safe, but that’s the existential crisis Vision has to grapple with through most of Infinity War. Dude is just constantly piping up in the conversation, being like, “If I have to die, it’s cool guys,” in a way that really can’t be fun, even if it’s admirable. Eventually, Vision has to talk his girlfriend into killing him, only to then have to die again at the hands of Thanos. Wanda and Vision really should have tried to find Hogwarts in the Scottish highlands. The Avengers have one, maybe two wizards. Hogwarts has a whole castle. Wanda spends most of the movie either trying to keep people from killing her boyfriend or trying to convince her boyfriend not to kill himself. Finally, she is the one who has to do it, only to then watch it be all for nought as Thanos reverses time, brings him back to life, and kills him again. That’s right: Wanda has to watch her boyfriend die twice. Then, she gets turned into ash. It’s a rough couple of days.
3. Nebula
Nebula might not have that much screen time, but she really packs in a lot of suffering into it. When we first catch back up with Nebula, she has literally been torn apart in some kind of cyberpunk version of Medieval rack torture. It probably makes it even worse that this is at her own father’s command. (Thanos is such a dick.)
2. Gamora
While everyone in this movie wants to kill Thanos before he can, you know, kill half of the universe, Gamora (and maybe Nebula?) is the only one who kinda, sorta loves him. Sure, she’s 110% committed to her mission—to the extent that she actually does stab two daggers into fake-Thanos—but, when she thinks she has killed Thanos, she weeps openly. Yeah, some of those tears are no doubt relief at the thought that she is finally free of her abuser, but she also feels something for the man who more or less raised her. In addition to having to go through the trauma of thinking she has killed her father, Gamora also has to relive the trauma of her planet’s genocide, beg her boyfriend to kill her, watch her sister get tortured at the hands of their father, and die herself. I’m still holding out for Gamora to have a big role in Avengers 4, despite her apparent death. Then, she deserves some serious beach time… or whatever it is Gamora does to relax.
1. Thor
Poor, sweet Thor. The pirate-angel just lost his dad, his home, his hammer, his eye, and the evil sister he just found out he had in Thor: Ragnarok. Just when you think it can’t get any worse for the godman who is literally floating across the galaxy with a ship of refugees made up of the last remaining Asgardians, Thanos decides to kick him a bit while he’s down. Infinity War opens with Thor losing half of his remaining people, his bestie Heimdall, and his apparently-not-immortal brother Loki. Even Rocket Raccoon feels bad for him, enough to give him his stolen replacement eye—that’s right, a character whose chief hobby in life is stealing other people’s prostethics willingly gifts Thor an eye. Do you agree with our ranking? Who do you think had the absolute worst time in Infinity War? Let us know in the comments below.
